Long talk with dolce today, who happens to be my fathers only friend. She is like the translator between my father and I, without her my father and I would not even have a clue about each other. This whole time he came across as though he didn’t care I was going to Ohio for a few days, he asked no questions about the matter. Dolce told me, ever since I told him I’m going he has been asking her…where do you think she is staying?, in a hotel, apt, house? do you think they’ll feed her? will she have enough money? how many people will she be with? Do you think the trip is for a girl? Mind you not one of these questions were addressed to me. I think he is afraid to ask me these, he just chalks it up to that I’m a good girl. He overlooks I smoke weed from time to time he overlooks that I’m gay he likes to keep me at my age 5 image…my innocence. Carefully he strings me a long like a marionette doll never to harshly, just ever so lightly guides me, afraid my strings to him will break. He doesn’t realize not asking breaks those strings for me, makes me not attached to him in a bad way. I am not the board game operator there is no reason why I should be delicately treated as if you push too hard i’ll buzz and combust. I want to scream I AM YOUR DAUGHTER YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO ASK ME QUESTIONS, BUTT IN THATS YOUR JOB!. but maybe this is my fault I never press into your personal life either, I just let him live the same way he lets me live. Together we are unattached sagittarius both trying to achieve each others love. Without Dolce this wouldn’t even be known.
We don’t even talk about me being gay but he does to Dolce. He constantly groans to her that he wont get grandchildren. My brother having children will be different since a woman and not his own child will be carrying it obvi, unless somehow guys can now get pregnant lol…I can still get pregnant and I plan to when the time is right, but he doesn’t know this because he never asks. It baffles me to why not just ask me rather than ask Dolce…Dolce doesnt know either I, your daughter hold the answers. We are two strangers living together tip toeing around eachother but one day we will step on eachother.
You’ve been looking out toward the horizon long enough; now you are impatient and want to begin the next phase of your journey. Unfortunately, if you let your impulsive behavior get the best of you, it could cost you the ground you have gained over the past few months. Don’t let your fear of failure trick you into pushing ahead today. You might not realize how much progress you have made until next month when everything starts to happen all at once.
Photography or fine arts? I really am at a loss. I really love photography even though I have no formal training in it, I know I don’t need any but what happens if I really don’t love it as much as I think. Then the first original choice was Fine arts which still appeals to me but i’m unsure if it’s is for me or if I love it as much or if i’m good enough. I won’t know till I try either but which to choose is really the question. I really want to minor though in surface & fabric design (textiles) Which major sounds better?
The fast has really made this week I think easier, I haven’t been as stressed as I normally am. Yes I get tired but I do have energy and my mood has definitely improved. Ceymone said I would start to feel light, not in weight wise but more in a mental state. She referred it to start feeling like the dalai lama, I wouldn’t say I feel like him lol but my mind is clear. Moe the chair of the foundation program here at Moore told me he fasts for 40 days when he needs to clear his head especially while he is working on a new show for his artwork. sundown to sunup is how he does the fast, so he does eat where as I’m not but my fast is much shorter. He explained the same feelings he has when fasting that I have currently in the process. On day 8 and only 2 to go, I don’t know really if I want to end the fast but health reasons I know i shouldn’t exceed 10 days, so I won’t.
This is who I am I have to accept that I’ll never be that in which I sometimes wish to be, that in which I’d hope to grow into. I still feel like the caterpillar, actually I hope I’m still the caterpillar and one day I will shed this and morph into something more…
I miss my friends at home, some of these girls are so mean here .
This is still happening? Does it not get old?
Its never going to get old, unfortunately its an all girls college a competitive college at that. I’m becoming more and more ill temper towards them. Like lala said a bunch of bitches and tricks (besides a select few)
Hate begging for money or asking, I basically been supporting myself for the last few years but sometimes the cash gets low and I must plead to my father. I’m not my brother I like supporting myself, I love depositing my check but between food and art supplies im spending more than I make. -____- no go.. Applied to a bookstore today, we shall see 3rd job.