“I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that loving is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”—Aubrey Heburn (via enter-galactic)
Falling behind. It’s only been a week of school but already I’m behind. The only thing that i’m catching is a cold =/. Slept 14 hours straight missed 3 of my most important classes woke up at 6pm ate my first meal…this weekend is purely a work weekend.
Soup will be the only thing I try to even eat in the next few days.
Charlie said something about me thats so true while he was critiquing me. He said that I see myself differently than what I am. I apologize for who I am and what I do… Of course this refers to art, but in life I do to. To make changes one has to want to change. I say I want to, but honestly I don’t think I do. If i truly wanted to I could..or maybe I’m too far gone.
Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.”
My father just up and left florida today to be with his parents. I never heard such restlessness in his voice such unsureness. It worries me because it makes me think that prostate cancer is much worse then I presume it to be. Medical sites don’t feed me enough information its pretty vague just like the info for my disorder not much detail makes it seem like its not even a big deal… Waiting has to be the hardest thing to do in situations like this but honestly what’s the other choice.
…I was able to control myself this morning but I knew it was going to happen if not then sometime in the near future. Tomorrow is a new day, can’t spend tonight dwelling on something I have already done.
Finally get the freedom I want in an art class and now I beg for restrictions. Always unsatisfied.. not really but freedoms been stripped away from me while being here and now I’m given it back & I’m afraid of it. I think this class will be great for me…I need this class to be great for me…
Work today was great, I got to watch the artist install her art, also got to help myself. I really hope this semester I get more hours at the gallery.
Woke up too early for a class that I thought started at 8:30 that happen to start at 10.
3D will not be the class for me, math is not something I was ever good at in any grade I was ever in. My professor Charlie said school gave up on me, he’s right they passed me and over looked that I really don’t have a comprehension on anything besides simple math. Being in that class makes me feel like I don’t even exist I guess.
Color theory brought on a panic attack, almost cried from frustration in the first 20 minutes of class. Wednesdays are officially going to be my hell day.
Call from my dad brought on bad news and I guess really that is what made the day bad. My fathers doctor believes he has prostate cancer so he went through testing today, he’s always in surgeries these days. I know prostate cancer isn’t something life or death but the fact that he is always sick is what upsets me…